What is attachment theory, and why care?
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby, examines the emotional bonds between caregivers and children and how these shape our relationships throughout life. Understanding this theory reveals its impact on our emotional wellbeing and connections. In this article, we’ll explore key concepts of attachment theory and discuss why nurturing secure attachments is vital for healthy relationships in adulthood.
By Provisional Psychologist Alana Walker
What is attachment theory?
Attachment theory is a way of understanding how our early relationships, especially with our parents or caregivers, impact the way we connect with others throughout life. This theory was developed when psychologists observed that young children rely on their caregivers not just for basic needs, but also for emotional security. If a caregiver is caring and responsive, the child learns to rely on others, which helps them feel safe to explore and grow. But if a caregiver is inconsistent, distant, or frightening, the child may develop difficulties trusting or become overly dependent. These early relationship patterns form what’s called an attachment style, and there are four main types: secure attachment, or insecure attachment: anxious (also known as ambivalent or preoccupied), avoidant (also known as dismissive), and disorganised (also known as fearful-avoidant or anxious-avoidant).
Why is attachment theory important in adulthood?
Understanding attachment theory can give you insights into your feelings and behaviours, especially in relationships. Each attachment style, though formed in childhood, affects how we relate to people as adults. For example, if you have a secure attachment, you’re likely to trust others and feel comfortable in relationships. With an insecure attachment style, you might struggle with trust, fear of abandonment, or getting close to others. Ever felt anxious when someone doesn’t text back? You might have an anxious attachment style. Disinterested in relationships and pull away if people get too close? You might have an avoidant attachment style. Desire closeness to someone but then feel scared, overwhelmed or suspicious, instead pushing them away or becoming defensive? You might have a disorganised attachment style. Attachment theory doesn’t just impact romantic relationships, but also affects friendships, family and workplace relationships. Understanding your attachment style can help you make changes that lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships in all areas of your life.
What can I do if my attachment style is insecure?
If you think you have an insecure attachment style there are steps you can take to feel more secure and improve your relationships. Here are some things to try:
· Therapy: Talking to a psychologist can be a great way to explore your attachment patterns and where they come from. Psychologists can help you work through your past experiences and learn new, healthier ways of relating to others.
· Self-reflection: Notice how you respond to people in close relationships. The more you notice and understand these patterns, the easier it is to change them.
· Build secure connections: Spend time with people who make you feel safe, valued, and respected. Supportive people can help you feel more secure over time.
· Be kind to yourself: Changing attachment patterns takes time. Try to be patient and compassionate with yourself as you work toward building healthier relationships.
Next steps and resources
If you’d like to explore attachment theory further with one of our psychologists, book in to see us. In the meantime, here are some resources to help you dive deeper into attachment theory:
· The Attachment Project is a website with a wealth of evidence-based information on Attachment. They also have an Attachment Quiz; a free online quiz that takes 5 minutes to complete and provides you with your attachment style*
· Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller is a great book for understanding attachment styles and how they affect relationships.
· Anne Power’s TED Talk Attachment theory is the science of love is a great resource for understanding attachment theory in adult relationships.
*Please note, this is for information purposes only and is not diagnostic, nor does it substitute for professional psychological advice.
Life Matters Disclaimer
All content in our article is published for informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional psychological advice and should not be relied on as personal advice. Always seek the guidance of a qualified psychologist with any questions you may have regarding your mental health.
Sources
Ainsworth, M. D., & Bell, S. M. (1970). Attachment, exploration, and separation: Illustrated by the behaviour of one-year-olds in a strange situation. Child Development, 41(1), 49–67.
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss, Vol. 1: Attachment. Attachment and Loss. New York: Basic Books.
Crowell, J. A., & Waters, E. (1994). Bowlby's theory grown up: The role of attachment in adult love relationships. Psychological Inquiry, 5(1), 31-34.
Girme, Y. U., Jones, R. E., Fleck, C., Simpson, J. A., & Overall, N. C. (2021). Infants’ attachment insecurity predicts attachment-relevant emotion regulation strategies in adulthood. Emotion, 21(2), 260.
Howe, D., & Betts, L. (2023). Attachment Across the Lifecourse: A Brief Introduction. Bloomsbury Publishing.
Zhang, X., Li, J., Xie, F., Chen, X., Xu, W., & Hudson, N. W. (2022). The relationship between adult attachment and mental health: A meta-analysis. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 123(5), 1089.
